


032. Sunset - Sunset Panic

by Arok88



Series: The 100 [3]
Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:02:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28727019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arok88/pseuds/Arok88
Summary: Sometimes the panic can overtake you...
Relationships: Nick Carter/Kevin Richardson
Series: The 100 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092305
Kudos: 4





	032. Sunset - Sunset Panic

The cold air blew all around him, enveloping his chilled body in an icy embrace. Nick felt the goosebumps rise on his skin and hugged himself closer, trying desperately to keep the chill from getting worse. He cursed himself for forgetting his jacket when he’d left the cabana. By the time he’d gotten himself settled and realized it was he’d left it, he had been too comfortable to move. For the first time in days he felt a tiny shred of peace and he wasn’t willing to give it up over something as mundane as warmth. Rubbing his hands up and down his arms he felt the goose bumps lessen and settled back in the sand. He allowed his arms to stretch out behind him, holding his weight and the rest of him up. He stared out at the water, watching the sunset across the beautiful Mexico waters. 

The sky was beautiful shades of peach, yellow and red. If his every breath didn’t remind him that his heart was broken he would have been able to really appreciate the sunset for what it actually was, a beautifully painted masterpiece. Instead, he watched the colors swirl together in the sky and tried to blink back tears. For the most part he won, some still managed to slide silently down his pale cheeks as he chewed his bottom lip in concentration. 

This place was beautiful. Since he’d arrived on Tuesday he had spent most of his days alternating between crying in his cabana or laying out here on the beach, watching the waves and sun. Sometimes he idly played with the gorgeous fine grained sand, watching it slide and fall from his fingers. It was quite the metaphor when it came right down to it. Everything else had slipped so far away from him, why not the sand too. 

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. They had always promised each other they were in this for the long haul, that nothing else mattered but the group. Stupidly, Nick had believed them, all of them when they had taken that oath. Now it was all over, they were falling apart. He squeezed his eyes shut as visions of the meeting last week played through his mind. The meeting where the bombshell was dropped in his lap, detonating his life as he knew it. He was leaving them, leaving him. Nick felt his chest tighten and his breath come quicker, in short and shallow spurts. He shifted in the sand and tried to lower his head between his knees to deepen his breathing and stop the panic attack before another one overtook him. Every time he thought about last week they would start again. 

After several attempts, his breathing wasn’t getting any better. He struggled in the soft grains of sand to get to his feet, wrapping his arms tightly around himself as he stood. He tried pacing up and down the water’s edge as he struggled to control his breathing. Finally he stopped, bent over at the waist and let his hands come to rest on his knees. Dropping his head down he took several deep breaths, one at a time. Inhaling in quickly through his nose and holding for several seconds before blowing the air back out through his mouth. He did this five or six times, focusing his eyes on a seashell in front of him. After the sixth time though, he felt the invisible bands around his chest lessen and was able to stand straight back up again. He ran his fingers through his hair and gazed back out at the water. The sunset was almost completely gone, just like Kevin was. 

Nick walked a little bit further down the beach, stooping once to pick up the shell and tucking it into his pocket for safe keeping. He had a feeling he was going to need it if he was ever going to get through this. The shell was something tangible, something he could hold in his hand and allow himself to focus on when the panic attacks came back, and they would. Nick had struggled with anxiety and these same attacks for so many years they were almost like second nature. It used to be Kevin who could hold him down, walk him through each and every one, but now he was gone and Nick was all alone. At least the sunset would be back again tomorrow, the same couldn’t be said for Kevin. The tears started falling again and Nick made no motion to erase them, instead he let the cool ocean breeze dry them where they fell. Maybe one day the pain would ease, maybe one day the panic attacks would stop, but right now he really couldn’t see an end in sight.


End file.
